Just another damn group blog!
This week sort of got away from me, which means I’ve got nothing because I’ve been swamped with writing, helping my kids with their homework, Golden Heart judging and critiquing. So I propose we post excerpts from our WIPs, old proposals or books we’ve completed. Any scene will do. Comedy. Drama. Or something in between.
The following scene is from a paranormal I never finished. The crying shame is that it’s almost complete! Just a few more chapters. I know, I know, there’s no excuse. It’s just that I got distracted with other stuff, but I hope to eventually come back to it.
——–Father Tierney settled in behind his desk. Jill took a seat across from him. Seven months ago she’d said a bit too much in the confessional during a moment of weakness, but the priest only knew part of the truth—that she’d killed her husband Steve in self-defense. She didn’t dare tell him the rest.
———But now she’d run out of options.
———“Can a soul escape from hell?” she blurted.
———He blinked a couple times. “W-why do you ask?”
——— “Just humor me, will you?”
———He leaned back and steepled his gnarled fingers. Several seconds ticked by. “Well, hypothetically speaking, in hell, the human soul is powerless to do anything, much less escape.”
——— “But what if the soul wasn’t human to begin with?”
———“Come again?”
———God. Did she really want to go there? “What if a man, or something that took the shape of a man—you know, like a demon? What if this demon had the power to jump inside mortal bodies … to control them?”
———The old priest’s face went pasty white. He swallowed a few times. “What are you saying, child?”
———“I don’t know what I’m saying. That’s the problem!” Tears stung. She wiped the corner of her eye with a knuckle. “It’s Steve. He’s come back and … well, I could tell you everything else, but you wouldn’t believe me.”
———He inched forward and handed her a tissue, his expression teeming with concern. “Look, I know I said this before, but it bears repeating. Many times there are natural explanations for what may at first seem supernatural.”
———She blew her nose. “I’m not crazy.”
———“I never said you were.”
——— “You didn’t have to. It’s in your eyes.”
———The priest glanced away.
——— “I’m not my father,” she told him.
——— He sighed long and hard. “I know your fears. They’re legitimate. Yet we’re talking apples and oranges, Jill. Everyone knows that Richard—God rest his soul—had a disease. But your … situation is … well, it’s vastly different.”
———Not by much. Jill stared back at him. He’d had the same deer-in-the-headlights expression the day they’d watched the men in the white coats haul her daddy away. Knowing the family’s predicament, Father Tierney had come by to pray with them. She’d never forget the look on the priest’s face as the ambulance pulled off. It was the distinct look of pity, fear and helplessness.
———In truth, Richard Mills had been certifiable. Literally. Sure, the doctors labeled it a chemical imbalance, but it all boiled down to one thing. He saw people who weren’t there. Heard voices too. Paranoid schizophrenia is what they’d called it, but as far as Jill was concerned, her daddy was nuttier than a Chunky bar.
———And now Father Tierney thought the same of her.
====================================
Okay, your turn.
Raine
January 28th, 2010 at 12:16 am
Work was hell this week, & I’m deep into an editing deadline, so forgive me for being lazy (again), but I’ll just post my entry from the recent Clarity of Night contest (yeah, I suck).
The challenge was 250 words:
SPECIAL
“Mom always said I was different ‘coz I was special. The stranger agreed. Was that wrong?”
I liked Doc Burdett’s office. It had ash-white bones, warm wooden walls, and water trickling over rocks. And he never made a fuss, which made Doc special to me.
“Did he say anything dirty, Sarah?”
“No. He just brought the announcement.”
“Annunciation.” Mom clutched her purse, kinda scared-like. “Annunciation was the word she used.”
“Sarah? Who is ‘he’?”
“The dark man who comes to my bed.”
“She says she has a lover. Thirty-two hours in labor, and she lies to me.”
“She’s twenty-one, Adele. Being oxygen-deprived at birth didn’t stifle her hormones.” He gave me that look that men do, the one that makes Mom twitch.
“Impossible. I’m with her every waking minute.”
“Some fella shinny up her downspout?”
“You treated anybody with my shotgun up his ass?”
Doc Burdett wiped his mouth. “Sarah? Tell me what happens.”
“Feathered fingers on my window. Brittle taps against the glass. He lies on me ‘til he’s all heated honey-sweet skin, and rocks inside me ‘til dawn. Then there’s just wide, purple-black wings, and he’s gone.”
“Masturbating,” Doc said promptly. “Let her be. Fantasy may be all she ever has. You know what it’s like to be alone, Adele.”
Mom was calmer after that. I was glad Doc could help her. Especially now that I can feel something growing, fluttering deep in my belly.
There’ll probably be a fuss. ‘Coz I think it’s gonna be special too.
Amie Stuart
January 28th, 2010 at 9:29 am
OMG TANYA! I remember that!!!!!!
Amie Stuart
January 28th, 2010 at 9:34 am
Um Raine….you bitch. I love that. LOVE IT!
Amie Stuart
January 28th, 2010 at 9:41 am
This is from the current bright and shiny….that I’m not supposed to be working on. (and it’s first draft so please keep your snickers to yourself
)
1999
When Whitey Ford was six years old his mama whooped his ass. Ass whooping weren’t new to Whitey who had learned how to take a lickin’ early on. Once she said the magic words, “Gitcher ass inside and pull down them pants boy”, Whitey usually shut up and obliged. Talking and taunting only made Laura madder, and he had a fondness for sitting, so shut up he did.
On this particular day the spanking was no worse than normal and Whitey obediently stood still while Laura pounded away at him with a big-ass man-sized belt she’d scrounged up from somewhere.
The real problem was, Laura’s spanking wasn’t doing her any good—not that she’d know it. The real problem had nothing to do with the mud he’d covered himself in or the mess he’d made out of the side yard. The real problem was the reason he’d gotten spanked in the first place. She’d come outside, a fresh beer in her hand, took one look at him and demanded to know what the frickety frack he was doing.
He’d stood gazing up as his mother on that hot Saturday afternoon with his hands propped on his muddy hips, wishing it was Monday and he was in school, and in no uncertain terms informed Laura that he was practicing.
“For what?” she’d asked.
She’d already decided to spank him. Whitey knew it surely as he knew his sister Izzy had freckles on her butt. Normally, he wouldn’t dare keep talkin’ but today some gremlin had got hold of his tongue. “For when I grow up.”
She’d laughed and rolled her eyes as she popped the top on her beer. “And become a ditch digger?”
“No, for when I’m a black man.”
That had gotten him the ass whupping to end all ass whuppings.
He’d hidden from Laura, Izzy and the stupid twins, sulking in part because his mother had made him use the hose to rinse off instead of letting him have a bath. He sat under the back steps, just out of the sun, picking chunks of mud off his skin as they’d dried and hardened, listening to the chatter and laughter of Ma Hailey and the other neighbor ladies coming from Ma Hailey’s back porch, and stewed over his mother’s angry pronouncement that he’d never be black.
He’d show her. He’d show her good.
The very next day, Whitey crept over to Ma Hailey’s, determination overriding his fear of the woman or her husband. He was also smart enough to know he’d get an even worse ass whupping form his mother if he got caught in the Hailey’s yard, but she was still sleeping after being out all night working. He stayed on the sidewalk so neither Ma nor Big Joe would yell, one eye on his own house, one ear tuned to the sound of the cartoons the twins were watching.
“What’chew want, Whitey Ford?”
Big Jim Hailey sat in the shadows of his side porch, his Sunday afternoon pipe clamped between the largest yellow teeth Whitey had ever seen on another human being.
Whitey wet his lips and said, “Kin I ask you something, Mr. Jim?”
Ma and a couple of the neighbor ladies came rambling around the back side of the house and stood behind him, blocking his escape. Those women with their big hips and angry eyes scared Whitey more than his own mama did.
“Come on up here, boy.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat and climbed the three short steps, stopping in front of Big Jim, waiting until the old man gave him permission to speak.
“What’s on your mind?”
“How do I get black?”
A couple of the women hooted, causing Whitey’s cheeks to burn. He ignored the sound of Ma Hailey hushing the ladies and the rumble of his stomach as Ma Hailey climbed the steps behind him, and kept his eyes locked with Big Jim’s blackish brown ones. Big Jim’s eyes were the same color as those Hershey’s Special Dark chocolates he always traded the twins for at Halloween. Whitey had once heard Ma Hailey describe Big Jim as a special kind of dark. He wasn’t sure what that meant but every time the old man laughed, it reminded Whitey of thunder.
Just about the time Whitey feared the old man wouldn’t answer his question, Big Jim spoke up, “Why you wanna be black for?”
“’Cause ever’body else is.” Everyone but him and his sisters—and his mother. Everyone in the neighborhood; pretty much everyone at school, too.
Shaking his head, Jim leaned back in the rocker, his eyes on Ma Hailey. “What’chew think?”
“I’m thinkin’ it takes a lotta work to be black.” Ma Hailey nodded but Whitey wasn’t going to be deterred.
No sir. Uh uh. Not this time. “I’m a hard worker.”
“Takes a long time, too,” she added. “A long, long time to get good and black. You gots to have lots of patience.”
“I got patience.”
“Lots and lots?” Ma Hailey frowned down at him as if daring him to lie.
“Yes, ma’am.” Truth be told, Whitey had the patience of a gnat but he wanted to be black more than he’d ever even looked forward to Christmas.
“Then you come on with me and we’ll get you started.” Ma opened the screen door and stepped inside, but Whitey hesitated.
He wasn’t supposed to go into the Hailey’s house or anyone else’s house either for that matter.
“Well, I ain’t got all day.”
From his own house, he could still hear cartoons, and the day wasn’t hot enough yet to wake Laura up. Nodding, Whitey followed Ma Hailey inside. She nudged him across the kitchen and pulled back a folding door to reveal a bath so pink it reminded him of that time Izzy’d barfed up strawberry soda all over their grandmother’s car.
“Wash your hands. Wash ‘em good too. I’ll be checkin’ ‘em before you sit at my table.”
He stifled his laughter at the mountains of pink everywhere and focused on the fact that Ma Hailey was going to help him. He was so excited he washed his hands as fast as possible, then mindful of her instructions to wash ‘em good, he soaped ‘em up and rinsed ‘em again. Afraid she’d get mad if he used one of her pink towels to dry his hands, Whitey dabbed them on his shorts and stepped out of the bathroom, his eyes taking in the colorful chaos of Ma Hailey’s kitchen and the sight of her standing at the kitchen table, a plate full of food just a few inches from her elbow.
She motioned him over. “You want to be black, Whitey, fastest way I can think of is for you to eat you some black people food.”
Jackie Barbosa
January 28th, 2010 at 10:30 am
Amie, I absolutely LOVE Whitey. That’s some rockin’ good first draft sh*t, babe
.
Amie Stuart
January 28th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
>>That’s some rockin’ good first draft sh*t, babe
^5′s Thanks babe!
Amie Stuart
January 28th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
>>her Maroon 5 ringtone
Dennie ~
January 28th, 2010 at 11:54 am
This is just a quick snippet (Haven’t opened this WIP in a while and wanted to see if it’s worth working on)
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Poppy’s head whirled around at the sound of another voice. With her hand to shield her eyes from the bright sun, all she could see was a blob walking toward her. Then he came into focus. Dressed in a skin tight T-shirt, dusty jeans and boots, a hard frown pulled the man’s mouth down. She couldn’t see his eyes, or much of his hair for that matter under the dark Stetson. What she did see left her breathless, muscles rippled across his chest as he pulled off work gloves and drew nearer.
A halo appeared behind the advancing giant. A chorus of angels sang…
“Ma’am?”
Poppy shook herself, though if it was a dream she didn’t want to wake just yet. “Huh?”
“Your phone.”
The chorus sang again. It was then Poppy realized it wasn’t so much angels, as her Maroon 5 ringtone reminder. “‘Scuse me.”
Simona Taylor
January 28th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Great idea, Tanya! I actually just posted a deleted chapter from Meet Me in Paris on my site. It’s too long to post here, so here’s the first paragraph:
Shel Salomon’s house was easy to spot. In a sedate, tree-lined part of ritzy Belmont, it stuck out among the older, more genteel buildings. Shel’s love for huge amounts of glass sheeting wasn’t limited to his aerie of an office. The massive two-storey façade resembled Superman’s Fortress of Solitude. Fortunately for the Salomons, and for their neighbors, the glass was treated with a one-way coating that let the occupants see out, but spared the casual onlooker the spectacle of the Salomons ambling around the interior in their underwear.
You can read the rest of it on http://www.scribble-scribble.com
And drop me a line when you do
Raine
January 28th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Okay, may I just say that all you ladies are KICK-ASS WRITERS?!
BernardL
January 29th, 2010 at 11:21 am
This part is from my Djinn novel LAYLA.
While Cole delivered a customer’s car, Layla drove his 1994 Dodge Intrepid home. Stan told her he’d drive Cole home when he returned to the shop. She had been working as a receptionist for ABC Auto Repair for the past three weeks. Layla loved every minute of it, from trading insults and jokes with the crew to handling customers’ complaints. The only problem with her situation was Cole. Layla had been unable to put his fears to rest about a more intimate relationship. The Djinn’s attraction to Cole’s kind nature increased dramatically with each passing day. Layla’s confusion over her growing desire to seduce him now bordered on obsession.
She tried flirting with his co-workers and even strangers. Nothing worked. Cole simply treated her like a buddy, smiling and laughing with his co-workers. Layla bit her lower lip in frustration and anger. He had even offered to help her get an apartment so she could be on her own. She was falling in love with him – the most irritating concept of all to her. Djinns punish humans for even the pettiest affront and at every opportunity. They do not, she reminded herself, fall in love with them. Layla’s hands clenched into fists at her sides, remembering for the hundredth time Cole was invulnerable to her magic. Layla poured herself half a glass of vodka from Cole’s small group of liquor bottles. She sat down morosely on the couch. Turning on the TV, Layla watched an old episode of NCIS on the USA channel. Sipping the vodka, Layla relaxed. Watching the action series with her feet up began to ease Layla’s tension.
Layla sensed something wrong. The vodka had dulled her perception to danger. She moved too slowly. Long nailed hands suddenly clamped her arms down. An irresistible force bunched up against her legs, preventing any movement . Layla looked with fearful recognition into the red demon eyes glowing hypnotically at her, willing the Djinn to be calm and still. She was lifted as if weightless and pinned back against the living room wall where the creature kept its eyes locked with Layla’s.
“Hello, Layla, remember me,” the deep, modulated voice crooned. “You granted me a wish once.”
“Oh… shit…” Layla moaned, unable to tear her eyes away from the vampire’s mind draining stare. “Hi Fred. Don’t be mad. You did ask me for immortality. Remember, sweety.”
“You turned me into a monster!” Fred screamed in Layla’s face, his fangs dripping saliva onto her bare neck. “What goes around comes around, baby. Some nitwit freed you from the lamp. He must not know you like I do. Here you are like a beacon, a veritable lighthouse for your still mobile former masters. I thought it too good to be true. I never thought to have my fangs ever at your neck.”
Layla cursed herself silently, wondering how she could have overlooked a fact so vital to survival. Fred the vampire darted toward Layla’s neck teasingly, brushing his fangs over her skin with practiced skill, leaving only a trace to mark their path. Under his force of will he wanted to prolong Layla’s ordeal and sweeten his revenge. Most of all he wished to hear her scream. Layla shuddered at every strike, trying desperately to think coherently.
“I… I can change you back, Fred,” Layla offered. “I’m free. I can give you ten… ten wishes.”
“Ever hear the old saw about a bird in the hand, L? I’ll take what I got.” Fred’s face struck at Layla’s neck, his fangs ripping through her flesh.
“Ohhhhh… don’t… Fred…” Layla’s voice gasped. “It…it feels so… kinky…”
* * *
Fred suddenly jackknifed backward, bloody mouth working in silent agony. His hands clawed at the broom handle protruding from his chest. The vampire’s body fell away into dust around the rigid stake – one last eternal glance of frustrated hatred frozen on his face. Layla slid down the wall contentedly, her wound healing as she reached the floor. Cole pulled her up into his arms, carrying Layla to the couch. He sat down with the Djinn cradled to his chest. If he had been only a moment slower, Layla would have been lost to him forever. The reluctance Cole had felt in allowing more than friendship with the alluring and sometimes frightening Layla now seemed idiotic to him.
“Layla… Layla…” Cole repeated, holding the smiling Layla’s chin cradled in his right hand. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll live.” Layla’s her eyes fluttered open finally, looking into Cole’s concerned face. Passion flared at the pit of her stomach. She felt more than simple anxiety over her condition in Cole’s embrace. “How’d you know to stake him?”
“It takes a mechanic to know these things,” Cole joked, relief plain in his voice.
“Hummmm…” Layla wrapped her arms around his neck. “What else does a mechanic know?”
“Well, I know you’ve been hitting the vodka.” Cole kissed her, sealing off the string of unrepeatable expletives flowing in reply from Layla’s lips.
She quieted almost instantly.
Tanya
February 1st, 2010 at 9:37 pm
Mom was calmer after that. I was glad Doc could help her. Especially now that I can feel something growing, fluttering deep in my belly.
There’ll probably be a fuss. ‘Coz I think it’s gonna be special too.
Bwahahahaha! Sneaky little dickens, isn’t she! Heck, for all we know it’s the doctor’s!
Tanya
February 1st, 2010 at 9:38 pm
Amie,
Yeah, you should remember as many times as I bugged you to read it!
Tanya
February 1st, 2010 at 9:41 pm
Amie,
That was stellar! What book is this? Is it the YA you’re working on?
Tanya
February 1st, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Ros,
Your prose sparkles as usual. I always love to read your stuff!
Tanya
February 1st, 2010 at 9:47 pm
Dennie,
That guy sounds good enough to eat. Yum, yum!
Tanya
February 1st, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Bernard,
My favorite line: “It takes a mechanic to know these things…”
Yeah, I’ll bet it does!