self-sacrificing-heroines-blech

Bear with me for a sec. My girlfriend sent me the following ‘inspirational’ message—Eight Lies of My Mother– in an email last week (this isn’t the exact email that she sent to my office, but I found a very, very, very, sappy, long version of it online which I cut it cut down and revised for this post) :

Whenever the time came for eating, mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was removing her rice into my bowl, she would say “Eat this rice, son. I’m not hungry”.
That was Mother’s First Lie

And While I ate the meat of the fish, she would eat what was left on the bone. When I tried used my chopstick to give her some of my fish, she refused it and said “Eat this fish, son. I don’t really like fish.”
That was Mother’s Second Lie.

To make extra money, mother packed used match- boxes. I woke up from my sleep and looked at my mother who was still awake, working by candlelight, I said, “Mother, go to sleep, it’s late, tomorrow morning you still have to go for work.” Mother smiled and said “Go to sleep, dear. I’m not tired.”
That was Mother’s Third Lie.

While I took my exams mother waited for me under the heat of the sun for several hours. When the test was over, mother welcomed me and poured me a glass of tea. Seeing my mother covering with perspiration, I gave her my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said “Drink, son. I’m not thirsty!”.
That was Mother’s Fourth Lie.

After I had finished my study and got a job, it was the time for my old mother to retire. I, who worked in America and make an excellent salary, sent her some money to help her in fulfilling her needs, but sent the money back to me. She said “I have enough money.”
That was Mother’s Sixth Lie.

Ahem.

Did you find that touching?

I didn’t. It made me mad. Putting aside the whole ‘manipulating’ the reader thing….

What exactly was it I was suppose to admire about this woman? Here’s a snippet of the follow up email exchange with my friend:

Me: This was depressing. What did mother think she was accomplishing by running herself down? What if she had run herself down to the point where she couldn’t take care of her baby. She’s no angel. She’s a martyr.

Friend: My good God, what did this woman do to you?
I was so very touched by this, because in some small way I can relate, and have already seen myself doing some of these things (not to the lengths of this lady)

Me: I do understand about sacrificing for your child but those examples were just too extreme. I’m sorry, I’m not impressed. She’s nothing I aspire to. And I can’t think that she had a very involved relationship, or quality time with her child. Maybe she and the kid would have actually bonded over their mutual hungry and that they’d gone through those experiences together (although, yes, I too would have given my son the bigger potion of the food– but not all of it, leaving only the scraps/bones for myself. Who was going to protect him/look after him if I was too weak to?). Never mind that it would have given the child far more character, because I don’t care how this message thing is crafted with dear old mom this, and dear old mom that, that’s one hell of a sense of entitlement that kid is walking around with. 

~*~

Which brings me round to the infamous martyr romance heroine. The one who sells her virginity to the highest syphilis- riddled rakehell to pay off her n’er do well father/brothers gambling debt.

The one who refuses to marry the hero, even though she’s pregnant with his child, destitute, loves him and he’s asked her to marry him, simply because he hasn’t said “I love you”.

Or she shies away from the attentions of the hero because her sister likes him too (even though he hasn’t shown the slightest bit of interest in her sister). And on and on and on. Blech.

There are sacrifices, and then there are sacrifices. Character actions should make sense, while at the same time do not make the reader feel like s/he is being manipulated.

And remember, send the link to this blog post to 10 friends in the next 2 minutes and something fantastic will happen to you today! :twisted: