im-a-jerk

THE JERK is one of the formative movies of my youth–how and why a 9 or 10 y-o saw the movie . . .  you’d have to ask my mother . . . there were many such movies that have warped, er ah, contributed to the psyche that makes up Dennie-of-many-issues! But back to THE JERK: There are many aspects that just ring true in this movie, but for today’s purposes we will focus on one in particular. All I need is . . .

I can’t tell you how many times I have said, “All I need is this [fill in blank for writer’s tool]” and I will be able to be a better writer. One week it’s, if I have my fuzzy Mickey Mouse Pen that jiggles when I write, I can sit and smack out a new and improved version of rusted-novel three (Thanks M Blue . . . I am hooked on rusted now!). The next week it’s a $600 graphics program that has abso-freaking-lutely nothing to do with a manuscript, but I know it will inspire me. Next week it will be an Alphasmart because I just know if I can lug something around smaller than my PORTABLE LAPTOP I will be 100% more productive!

I have an extensive list of, “All I need is . . .”

~ The Sims–so I can “see” my characters

~ Writer’s Dream Kit–so I can have a detailed outline

~ Thirty different notebooks–because I have so many freaking ideas and need a new fangled notebook for eacha dn every one. (don’t get me started on the pens–GAW!)

~ Candles–for inspiration

~ Music–for inspiration

~ Jade ring–for inspiration (for real, for real–when I am in “the mood” I put it on to write)

~ a bazillion books–for comparison and inspiration

~ the Publisher Alley subscription–because if I can see my sales, I will be inspired to write and sell more–WHATEVER!

~ plus many, many, MANY more that I can’t think of now.

It never ends. Every time I see a “new” writer’s tool I want it and KNOW it will be the THE THING that makes me plunk my ass down in front of the computer and write, write, write. Every other royalty check I get is put right back into tools, gizmos and gadgets. I don’t see this ending any time soon. Hell, look at THE JERK, he started with, “All I need is this paperweight,” and by the time he hit the street his ass was laden down with a couple of handfuls of crap.

And by the by, If you need an excuse of “I can’t write cause I don’t have [blah],” ask me and you can totally borrow one of mine. :evillaugh: