The following incident actually happened to an author I know (who shall remain nameless).

But let’s put YOU in the driver’s seat instead.

You’ve written a book with a good, hot sex scene or six.
You’re doing a book signing for that novel at a well-known franchise bookstore.
Having waited his turn in line, a gentleman steps forward with your book in his hand.  Mr. Joe Average.  Clean.  Well-dressed, amicable.

He leans forward slightly as he hands you the volume and whispers, with just a hint of a smile:

“It made me hard.”

What in the world would you say in return?

Let’s have your responses, ladies.  Serve him.  Got snark?  A snappy response?  Let’s hear it!

Or would you just take it as a compliment, thank the gentleman, and send him on his horny little way?

Or… since when did Christmas involve shoving shit in my face?

Okay so. Is it me? Or is the mall excessively annoying this time of year? I stopped by my favorite mall on the way home from work the other day to pick up some, um, personal items. Yes, I was totally shopping for myself instead of someone on my list (okay okay, truth be told I’m already done with my Christmas shopping. Yes. I totally am).

Anyway…

Wait. I need to back up. I was at the mall with a friend who’s a boy on Sunday and as we were walking around, this person pushes this … thing … at me and asks me to touch it. I shook my head. My friend shouts, and quite clearly too, “She doesn’t want to pet it!”

HA.

So as I was saying. I went to the mall to buy some sexy lacy lingerie totally for myself (okay and my playmate) when I had to literally RUN past all the Annoying Kiosk Workers. Okay, I get they’re trying to earn a living at the mall during the holidays but PLEASE. I do not want to pet whatever-the-fuck that is on your shoulders. I don’t want you putting your nasty make-up on my face. Nor do I want whatever the hell that lip gloss stuff is. No. Thank. You.

And the perfume counters. *choke* Do you know what 20349803 different kinds of perfume-slash-cologne smells like in a 2.3 cubic foot area? Quite disgusting. Awful, actually. I’m a fan of Lacome’s Poeme and I absolutely adore Aqua Di Gio (yeah baby) but I HATE HATE HATE having to hold my breath as I make a mad dash for the escalators just to evade the stench of all the scents colliding in a cloud that could potentially spontaneously combust. Oh yeah, and please don’t shove that smelly card at me either. Totally NOT interested.

Isn’t it bad enough we’re subjected to Christmas decor on August 31? Must we deal with the Annoying Kioks Workers and Annoying Perfume Counters too? Oh and let’s not forget that it’s a balmy 60 degrees outside but inside it’s like…5000. Hello.

I guess on the bright side… it is a nice time of year. People doing good things for other people. Even if they are trying to make me buy this gross stuff.

I had a couple of things I wanted to blog about, but true to form, I’m going to go with the silly. Surprise!

Tis the season to over-indulge. There’s always one or two things that you know you shouldn’t do, eat, drink, during the holidays, that you inevitably… do, eat, drink.

And then some.

I’ve gotten the crazy spending under wraps, at this point in my life, and my friends and family, you sort of have all the gewgaws and gadgets you want or need. Not that we’re affluent, just that you realize stuff is well, stuff. Takes up space, gets dusty, cost money, just ‘another-one-of’, ‘more’, stuff.

Also, I don’t wait till Dec 20-24^th to do my shopping and/or send out my cards anymore. (Yes, folks, the crazy woman inevitably running for the till at 4:45pm on Dec 24th was me.)

But here’s one habit I can’t quit: I love me some Turtles. Those holiday boxes of 90000 bite sized pieces of delicious nougat, caramel and chopped nuts, covered in milk chocolate? I can polish off a box in a matter of hours. Like this past weekend fer instance– which marked my inaugural gorging. ::blushing::

I should feel bad. (I do). And yet, I know that before the holidays are over I’ll do it again…. (and again). Besides, around here, they’re only available during this season.

So what’s your Xmas overindulgence? Chocolates? Egg Nogg? Fuitcake? (co’mon now, the supermarkets wouldn’t stock those sweet, sweet, fruit-filled, door-stoppers if they didn’t sell). Have a secret passion for those cute battery operated dancing stuff toys? Do you need a 12 Step to get through the holidays without your glue gun? Co’mon, fess up.

Okay not so much a miracle. . . but a REALLY good thing.

I sold another book.

WAHOO!!!!!!!!!

It’s another Romantic Suspense set in Fort Worth, TX, exploring deception, diamonds and deadly consequences. DOUBLY DAMNED will be published by Samhain Publishing. I have yet to find out the release date, but I am sure it will be some time in ‘09 ’cause I think they are rocking with books coming out!

I am pretty excited by it. When I told SJ she laughed and said I was getting very blasé about it, but au contraire, I think it is that those around me are. They’re like, “oh, you sold another one.” {read as ho-hum}  

How often do people you know sell books. Okay, that may be a bad example as all my friends and the large majority of adults I see are writers and more than half are published. But other folks aren’t (as far as I know with the exception of my kiddoes vanity press-published books they did in school, not one single family member has ever published). 

Of course, I can read into it they have come to expect  me to sell, which in that case is actually quite flattering. Okay, not so blasé after all  :

I SOLD ANOTHER BOOK

I will update as I get more info on dates and whatnot!

Happy Christmas and Happy Writing

I was actually going to blog about something else today but I decided it just didn’t deserve the attention and it’s hard to stay positive in the face of stupid assholes, I’m going to continue to be a good girl and just hope karma bites them in the ass  it all works out in the end.

Anyway this is a crazy, hectic time of year.  Along with our day-to-day lives (jobs, kids, bill paying, errands etc) we’re all out Christmas shopping, getting ready for holiday parties, allegedly making plans with family and everyones in a hurry!  Everyone!

So here’s my gentle reminder dear readers….slow down, take a deep breath and remember those pedestrains crossing the street in the Target parking lot are as harried as you are.

Here’s a few tips to make your life easier this holiday season:

1.  Shop online (and take advantage of free shipping)

2.  Better yet, treat yourself to Amazon Prime.  Free two day shipping is WELL worth the cost, and you can get damned near ANYTHING on amazon.com.  Hell two weeks ago I found a vaccume that was 40.00 cheaper at amazon.com (than target) and I got free shipping.

3.  Shop early in the day, before the crowds get bad.  If you find yourself at Old Navy/Target/The Mall etc at noon on a Saturday or Sunday, don’t come bitching to me babe….you go no one to blame but yourself  :yes:

4.  Make a list and check it twice.

Ok now it’s your turn.  What are some holiday tips you can share?  You’ve got until Sunday to post at which point I’ll be giving away a 30.00 amazon.com gift card—that way you can definitely get free shipping–25.00 Old Navy gift card, or 20.00 iTunes gift card — your choice.

One winner.

GO!  :bounce:

Something scary has happened in Romance Publishing Land. Many of the book covers I buy have people on them—without heads!

Some just have boobs, but others don’t even have torsos! (gasp) All I see are ankles, feet and shoes. And lately, if they do show a whole torso, many are shot from behind! Nope, it’s not just fronts anymore. Now they’re doing backs and butts! (Tanya whispers—->) Some even falsely claim to have **B I G** Spankable Arses!

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