Or… since when did Christmas involve shoving shit in my face?

Okay so. Is it me? Or is the mall excessively annoying this time of year? I stopped by my favorite mall on the way home from work the other day to pick up some, um, personal items. Yes, I was totally shopping for myself instead of someone on my list (okay okay, truth be told I’m already done with my Christmas shopping. Yes. I totally am).

Anyway…

Wait. I need to back up. I was at the mall with a friend who’s a boy on Sunday and as we were walking around, this person pushes this … thing … at me and asks me to touch it. I shook my head. My friend shouts, and quite clearly too, “She doesn’t want to pet it!”

HA.

So as I was saying. I went to the mall to buy some sexy lacy lingerie totally for myself (okay and my playmate) when I had to literally RUN past all the Annoying Kiosk Workers. Okay, I get they’re trying to earn a living at the mall during the holidays but PLEASE. I do not want to pet whatever-the-fuck that is on your shoulders. I don’t want you putting your nasty make-up on my face. Nor do I want whatever the hell that lip gloss stuff is. No. Thank. You.

And the perfume counters. *choke* Do you know what 20349803 different kinds of perfume-slash-cologne smells like in a 2.3 cubic foot area? Quite disgusting. Awful, actually. I’m a fan of Lacome’s Poeme and I absolutely adore Aqua Di Gio (yeah baby) but I HATE HATE HATE having to hold my breath as I make a mad dash for the escalators just to evade the stench of all the scents colliding in a cloud that could potentially spontaneously combust. Oh yeah, and please don’t shove that smelly card at me either. Totally NOT interested.

Isn’t it bad enough we’re subjected to Christmas decor on August 31? Must we deal with the Annoying Kioks Workers and Annoying Perfume Counters too? Oh and let’s not forget that it’s a balmy 60 degrees outside but inside it’s like…5000. Hello.

I guess on the bright side… it is a nice time of year. People doing good things for other people. Even if they are trying to make me buy this gross stuff.