June 28, 2007
Tales from the Trenches
So. Recently I’ve discovered online dating again. Not that I’m actively pursing anyone. I’m just kinda sticking a toe in the water. And quickly jumping back out.
You just can’t take someone seriously that tells you you’re a “hotsy totsy”. Um. Okay.
Anyway.
I got to thinking about dating and boyfriends and relationships. And I wondered…is dating like looking for a new job? People have always told me to have a job before looking for one. Could the same be true of dating? You want to have one on hold while you still continue to look.
Not that I’m doing that, mind you. I just thought it was a funny comparison.
You have someone but that someone maybe doesn’t fill all the squares necessary for you. In other words, you can’t pencil in a nightly activity on your Daytimer with this same person. And maybe you want that. Or maybe you just want variety. And I’m not talking about sleeping with them (that’s a whole ‘notha topic) either. I’m just talking about good old fashioned companionship.
And, okay, I’ve gotten a little off topic. What if you could look for Mr. Right while dating Mr. Right Now? Is that wrong? Or does that constitute cheating? I guess it depends on whether you have an open dating policy or a committed relationship. Further to that, does the phrase “I love you” mean all bets are off? And you’re no long free-game? Or free to look?
So. Readers. What do you think? Inquiring minds want to know.
I dunno–I had a friend that never left a boyfriend til she had the new man lined up. (ONCE and only once did they leave her first) She was married for a brief couple of years–so she could have a baby–her words, and I just recieved a birth announcement with another dude–I think she is VERY lonlely depsite never being alone!
but, it could totally be her, y’know
I shouldn’t be answering this.
I get very impatient with people sometimes–but since that includes myself, it’s ok.
I think it’s one thing to be with somebody, then find somebody else you like better and break off the first. But it’s another to just keep somebody on ‘hold’ while you look for a better ‘deal’, then dump ‘em when you find that person.
You’re not doing yourself any favors, because you’re settling for somebody you don’t really want.
And you’re not doing THEM any favors, certainly, because (depending on the commitments expressed), you’ve got them thinking you realy want them–plus, you’re keeping THEM from finding somebody who truly MIGHT want them.
What is it with people who are so afraid to be alone they’d use somebody this way?
There should at least be an understanding that you’re not committed to the relationship, so if either party goes their own way it’s fair and honest…then there’s no problem.
I know somebody like this. Swear to God, this woman has honestly, LITERALLY, never spent a day alone in her life. EVER. She always has somebody else lined up–and possibly an extra on the side–before leaving a relationship. But let her tell it, she’s still never been happy.
God help her if she ever does find herself alone. She won’t know what to do.
And yes, it’s the end of my speech…I’ll be passing the plate now, please contribute to the “Help Raine Get An Opinion Fund”…
Dennie I have a friend like that. Used to drive me NUTS!
>>What if you could look for Mr. Right while dating Mr. Right Now? Is that wrong?
Depends on your arrangement with Mr. Right Now (if it’s an open door thing knock yourself out)
>>Or does that constitute cheating?
Surprising Mr. RN might be considered cheating.
>>Further to that, does the phrase “I love you” mean all bets are off?
Only if you love them back.
And you’re no long free-game? Or free to look?
You are always free to squeeze the produce
BTW where ARE our readers?
I know several people that keep a virtual bookshelf of “possible dates.” Just in case. The ones that amaze me are the ones who are seriously dating someone but won’t commit because there “might” be someone better out there.
I feel for the “other half” in that relationship.
Of course, I am the last person to ask about this since I’ve been single since the beginning of time (or it feels like it…)
I ventured into the online dating thing a few times, but have decided that I must have a defective dating gene, and, as I’ve said before, I am a big chicken with a thing about rejection. So, I applaud anyone with the guts to try it. (I think I picked the wrong business to venture into with this particular phobia… oops!)
As far as the “cheating” thing. IMO if someone is questioning whether there is someone else out there for them, then they aren’t with the right person. I realize some people have a fear of commitment and will find a way to sabotage a relationship just to give them an out. But, if you don’t have the same level of emotional connection as your partner there are issues that ought to be discussed and maybe it is time to move on.
(You can push it over on me at any time.)