What is it about breasts that turn a normal man into a lecherous, drooling man who can’t stop looking at your chest?

I mean, really?

They’re just boobs, after all. And it’s not like you’re even getting the full frontal. It’s called cleavage.

You boys have been up close and personal with them since the day you were born. Granted, they were your mom’s, but you know…

You probably looked at your first dirty magazine you found under your parent’s bed when you were but an adolescent. Right before the first time you had to shave and your voice pitched to a high octave. And then when you hit your 20s, you decided they were your favorite part of a woman because they were squeezably soft.

I have news for you, boys. They’re not Charmin. Okay?

I wear low cut shirts/dresses to work. Yes. To work. Because I’m not going to look like this forever - meaning having boobs that don’t droop to my ankles - so I may as well show it off while I got it. Right? 

So. I wore my famous black and red dress with the kimono sleeve and the v-neck. It shows a lot of cleavage and I could totally tone it down if I didn’t wear the fasten in the front bra. Is this like way TMI or what? Anyway. I totally forgot I had a serious business meeting with a web developer and my boss - really I did. Turns out, he talked to me the entire time. Even gave me one of those sly winks once.

Hello.

Now, don’t get me wrong. He wasn’t sleazy about it. I mean, he’s a super nice guy and I have to admit I didn’t remember meeting him until he walked into the conference room and said, “Hi, Michelle.” I looked at him a minute with, “Whaaaa… oh right,” going on in my head before it dawned on me that we’d met once before.

It was a productive meeting and I could just tell he couldn’t stop looking. Poor guy. I didn’t mean to do it. I really didn’t.

And did I mention he’s a professional photographer, too? He said he could do headshots for me. I told him I was a “starving artist and it’d have to be, like, you know… FREE.”

I may just take him up on it… right after I adjust the girls back into position…