May 24, 2007
Sex vs. Love
Since Dennie brought up the subject of sex… I figured I’d keep it going. 
When does sex turn into feelings of love? Is it a moment where something inside just snaps or is it a gradual thing a person just comes to realize.
As a woman, it can be difficult to separate the two - sex because it’s sex and sex because it’s love. But as a jaded women, it’s not so difficult. You take the sex for what it is - an act that gives you the moment of pleasure you so desperately need - and you don’t worry about those feelings of love. (And I’m using “you” collectively.)
When those three little words come into play - you know the ones; it’s that dreaded l-word phrase - does it change things? Do you sit back and think that maybe it is more than just sex?
As a writer, I try to keep the sexual tension high between my hero and heroine, but sometimes that can be difficult when they’re saving the world…and each other. So if you have an action packed story, with lots of gratuitious sex and violence, is it okay for your H/H to say “I love you” by chapter three? I’m exaggerating of course. hehe
Hell, it’s taken me until nearly the end of book 2 for that magic l-word phrase to come into play and only after the two of them have been through hell. I’ve never been comfortable writing that phrase between my two characters and maybe that’s because there’s not enough growth between the two of them. (Hell I’m not comfortable saying it in real life. LOL)
So I guess the question is… do you expect love and sex and marriage to go hand-in-hand when you pick up a pick? I guess if that’s the type of book you’re picking up… would be the answer. Or is it okay for your characters to have sex without the love…at first?
do you expect love and sex and marriage to go hand-in-hand
it depends. . . Some books (or movies) yes, I expect it. I will admit, I get mad when they don’t utter the “L” bomb when they make you think it will and just leave you hanging.
But it is not imperative. If it makes sense to the story to use it or not to use it, then I am cool–as long as it makes sense–I am ALL about logical! But I am a sappy kinda gal, so a lot of times, the mooshier, the better
Depends on the venue.
If it’s a sexually-oriented story, they don’t EVER have to say the words. If their relationship is mainly physical, and they’re fond of each other, I’m ok with that, actually.
If they say it out of the blue, and I don’t think there’s been enough to development to lead to that revelation, I’m usually going “huh?”
I’ve got one WIP in which the hero and heroine come to love each other–but they never say the words. They don’t want to admit it, and I don’t think it’s necessary. You can tell it from the way they talk to each other, look at each other, touch each other. And I’m ok with that too.
But then, I think “love” is a word that people toss around very casually. It’s really a very special, very exclusive feeling, and shouldn’t be taken lightly.