I actually wrote this on Sunday with the intent of posting it on Monday, but the more I thought about it the more I waffled about jumping in with my two cents. Not because I’m afraid of hate mail or anything, but because a) my plate is pretty full right now b) I really try to avoid posting opinion pieces and c) jumping in means diverting energy from some other activity like say writing or doing laundry. In the end I skipped Monday (duh obviously) and decided to let this ferment a few more days. And still, I’m not sure I’m getting this out how I want it to come out.

I’ve been reading all the Racism in Romance surveys over at Karen’s blog….and then Sunny Lyn posted something and then Kate R. posted something on her blog about it and well, it was all downhill from there. I still can’t get past the obvious (at least to ME) that where books are shelved is a book seller issue and that’s where the problem needs to be addressed (and as a side note all my bookstores are different).

In the mean time, Eva Gale (who I don’t know) posted over at Kate’s and I hope they don’t mind because I’m going to quote her here, “There is a whole generation like me coming up, and they’re going to give all sides the finger.”

God help me, I laughed. And no, not in a “damn that was fucking hysterical” way either. More like a fist in the air laugh, if you will, because I’m not the only person out here going “It’s not all black and white.” — forgive the pun.

But anyway, Sunny and I got to emailing, and she said something that made me go, “I need to blog about that,” –luckily she gave me the thumbs up on permission to use this.

someone ages ago said something to me about one of your books they’d liked…i can’t remember WHO right now, but the comment was along the lines of how much she’d enjoyed it, and then she’d visited your blog and said ‘but she’s black, isn’t she’ - and i said so? i remember her saying ‘but this is a cowboy book’ - ROFLMAO - and i said SO? she lives in TEXAS, and SO WHAT? if she’d lived in new york, she couldn’t write a cowboy romance? anyway, it was an eye-opener for both her and me.

For the record, I take NO offense at this person for saying I can’t write something becuase I’m black, but the exchange left me scratching my head in wonder. And blinking. A. Lot.

There are a lot of words I’d use to describe myself but black isn’t one of them. And frankly, neither is white, so don’t bother yelling at me or calling me a sell out or telling me I’m denying my racial heritage. I have tried to form an identity for myself that is grounded in neither race. Because I AM neither race. Because I AM stuck in the middle and honestly, it’s not always a pleasant place to be. You can’t grow up looking like no one you know and not feel – off. And that’s putting it nicely. But then, my entire life has been off—not only do I not look like my family, I don’t think like them, and I don’t act like them. I’ve always said, there are wolves and there are sheep in this world — and some of us don’t get to choose. When you have no (physical) parental identity to look to, to ground yourself in, you have to make do (and I don’t want to hear any shit about my parents loving me special cuz I’m adopted).

Let me explain for those of you late to the party. I’m adopted. My biological mother is black. My biological father is white. I was probably one of the first (legal) transracial adoptions in the state of Texas. When my parents took me home as a foster child, the social worker asked them if they thought they would get flack from their neighbors. My parents laughed. They lived in base housing which was, to say the least, very multi-cultural. When my parents went to finalize my adoption, the judge told them they couldn’t bring me. The judge was afraid there would be … problems. Because, obviously, my parents are white. So, instead, they took four albums worth of photos of me. What can I say? I was a cute kid. awww.jpg

I wasn’t raised to think of myself as white or black or anything other than a human being, and I’ve done the same with my children. Did my parents do me a disservice? I don’t know. Am I doing my children a disservice? I like to think not. But I know there’s going to come a day when someone is going to say to them, “Like hell you’re black.” Or even, “Like hell you’re white!” But then, I don’t go around broadcasting my race. Oops–normally.

We are the sum total of our experiences. And again maybe I’m a fucking Pollyanna about all of this but I believe we are only as pigeon-holed as we allow others to pigeon-hole us (in any way shape or form). I say that knowing that pigeon-holing us is comforting for many people from a psychological viewpoint.

I guess this is just my very long-winded way of saying, I agree with Eva Gail.

Do I think the shape of publishing in regard to black authors will change in the next five years? No. And I’ll tell you why. Once upon a time I was active in the adoption reform movement here in Texas. I worked with a group who sought open records for adult adoptees. Politics is an ugly game and it IS a game. One prominent politician *coughshrubcough* was even rumored to have told our Governor many years ago that if our open records bill made it out of committee, he was to kill it. It took approximately seven years (hell maybe longer) for the movement to get ANY concessions–and what it got was open records for those of us who know the names on our OBC’s (that’s original birth certificate). I’d lay odds it’ll be at least another five years before we get open records for everyone. I dropped out of the movement about four years ago–about the time I started writing. I was burnt out, and heartsick, but while I was in in it, I facilitated a lot of reunions (including my own). I have a knack for finding things. My point is, change takes time but you can’t expect change to happen just because you wish it so.

And yes, I know I’m probably going to catch loads of shit for this post, but not only are we the culmination of what life throws at us, we ALL have our crosses to bear and our paths to walk carrying them. The upswing is, I think, there is a whole generation of multi-cultural children coming–I see it in my kid’s schools, I see it in the mall, at the grocery store, hello on American Idol!…and (you knew i had to get this in here) in college basketball, and some of them will be writers, and politicians, and musicians and activists and even bookstore managers.