So this is Black Friday, the shopper’s delight, the merchandiser’s dream.  Appropriately named, in my humble opinion.  As one who has a genuine phobia about the crushing sensation caused by crowds, you couldn’t get me into a store today for love or money.  But then, several holiday traditions leave me baffled, and I tend to see a slightly twisted side of some things…

Fruitcake, for example.  In my family, those suckers were passed along like a hot brick in the hand.  If Mom got one for Christmas, you’d better believe somebody got that same fruitcake for New Year’s, then a birthday, President’s Day, funeral–whatever.  Once, just as we were about to pass the brick cake on to an aunt in another state, I alerted my mother to the fact that the plastic wrapping was slightly torn.  “Doesn’t matter,” she said easily.  “It’s a fruitcake.  No one will care.”

And we worry about what to do with toxic waste??

When I was a kid, I always watched the Macy’s parade, as many people did.  But I must confess–as I get older and look at it with an increasingly warped mind, it starts to haunt me…the sight of all those monstrous creatures filled with hot air, hovering menacingly over crowds of hundreds of children as their parents look on, grinning happily.  There’s something Stepford-scary about that image, folks.  :neutral:

To celebrate the holiday today in our town we had the annual Turkey Bowl.  No, it’s not a football game–it’s exactly what it sounds like.  A lot of very peculiar people gather at a bowling alley and bowl with frozen turkeys instead of balls.

Yeah, buddy.  I certainly can’t think of a better way to show how thankful I am for life than to toss the dead carcass of a mutilated bird down a wooden aisle…  :roll:

Then there are those people who stand on corners with hanging kettles and little silver bells.  I’m sure their cause is a just one–but I always wonder where they’ve been all year?  Do they just come out now because they’re the Anti-Clauses, little frost-loving demons especially trained to take instead of give, or because we’ll feel guiltier about not giving now?  And what about those kettles?  Have they been using them to cook soup or souls all year—or is that the proverbial pot nobody had to piss in?  And why have they been stolen?

Think I’m being foolish, huh?  Oh yeah?  Have you noticed the preponderance of poisonous or dangerous plants available this time of year?  Why now?  Is it a subtle sort of message, a hint that you’d better like your gift—or else?!  Think about it when you’re lip-locked under a little deadly mistletoe, or your sweetie gives you that lovely laxative-inducing poinsetta.  Coincidence?  I think not.  :cool:

Today is Black Friday.  Welcome to the dark side.  :twisted:

Oh, and lest I forget—hope everyone’s Thanksgiving was just ginger-snappy!

(…And by the way—have you noticed the Mr. Bill-look of absolute horror many gingerbread men have plastered on their faces??…)  :shock: