Sorry for not posting more books, I had major mom moments this weekend.
Which brings me to today’s blog topic–me or er…YOU.
Ladies…I have to ask, when’s the last time you had a check up?
When’s the last time you had a mamogram or a pap smear or your hormone levels checked?
Have you checked your diet lately? Do you take vitamins? Did you know that a Vitamin A deficiency can cause tiny bumps on the back of your upper arms? And vitamin deficiencies in general can make you feel like shit and mimic more serious health problems?
When’s the last time you splurged on a haircut or a new pair of shoes? When’s the last time you got a pedicure or a massage? Never? Don’t you think it’s time you did?

When’s the last time you went for a walk? Or looked up at the sky? Or took a bath and locked the damned door?
I guess my point is, if we don’t take care of us, how the hell can we take care of the billion and one other things we have to deal with all day, every day, three hundred and sixty five freaking days of the year? If you haven’t done anything for yourself lately, promise me you will.

You’ve been lost and bewildered, alone in a very dark place, and you suddenly open your eyes and find yourself in strange, unfamiliar surroundings.

You have no idea where to go, what to do, or why you’re even there.

And so your search begins…

Alien abduction?  Post-apocalyptic trauma?  After-birth memories?

Nope.  My favorite video game. 

For nearly a year and a half now, I’ve been unable to indulge.  I actually had to install a DVD player in the old computer to be able to play it again (and if you knew what a geek I was, you’d be applauding right now!).

The game is called MYST.   (providing a link for anyone who might be curious, but I am NOT promoting NOR selling the game).

MYST is basically one huge fantasy/mystery game, one giant scavenger hunt with fabulous graphics.  You must find the clues that enable you to find the clues to find the clues to solve the final mystery.  A library leads to a book, which may lead to a hidden staircase, to a tower, to a number, to another location, to another book, to a world within that world, and so on.  It involves probing, pulling switches, deducting, finding secret doors, memorizing musical notes, deciphering numbered codes, etc.

Absolutely fabulous. 

The first time I played this game, it took me nearly three weeks of spare time–yes, to get through it ONCE.  I was in love.

I read a couple’s testimony in which they swore they locked themselves in the house, took turns playing, had their meals delivered, and did not bathe until they’d solved the game–two and a half weeks later.

The interesting thing about MYST is that, once you get to the end, the resolution is almost anti-climactic.  I found myself slightly dismayed, thinking, “that’s IT?  All that work–and that’s the end??” 

Until I stopped to think.  And until I read a little blurb somewhere by one of the creators of the game which basically said, “MYST is all about the JOURNEY.”

And I suddenly realized that was SO true.  The journey was so intriguing, so challenging, it was worth every step.  I wouldn’t have cared if there was no ending.  (In fact, I went back and deliberately LOST the game, which held yet another surprise, lol).

Who said video games have no value? 

Although I don’t always manage it, I try to remember this lesson whenever I get frustrated about things not going the way I THINK they should (like right now…)

This is not to say I don’t believe in planning and goals–I certainly do.  But maybe the reason I’m on a particular path at a particular point is not to get what I want (dammit!).  Maybe I’m just there to pick up a few clues and learn a few things along the way.

And maybe that’s what the game’s all about anyway.

Go out and play.

Okay, this is TOTALLY not about writing but I had to vent…

I find myself completely annoyed by at least one person a day. Seeing as how I am surrounded by the same folks on a daily basis, the odds of one of them annoying me is pretty high.

Usually, it’s the same person over and over again.

You know that pouty face we used to give our daddies when we really REALLY wanted something? Every girl does it. You drop your head, look up through your lashes, stick that bottom lip out ever so slightly and say, “Daddy, please?”

Yeah. I’m guilty. And if you’re raising a girl, I can assure you she will do it too.

Anyway… that face starts to NOT be cute by the time you’re – oh – say 45. Or older. Unless you have a totally youthful face and can pull it off, then it’s a no. Seriously.

So without going into to much detail – I’m trying to protect the guilty here – there’s this woman I know who is the most downtrodden woman I’ve ever known. She’s gotta be in her 50s at least. So when she pulled the freaking pouty face on ME, it took every fiber of control in my being not to smack her.

Instead, I responded with a harsh “WHAT?”

I couldn’t help myself. It nearly sent me into a rage. I mean, WTF? Even I can’t get away with pulling that crap on ANYONE and believe me, I’ve tried.

I guess it just amazes me that she thinks it MIGHT work and on another female. Yeah, I have your number, sister. You ain’t pulling that crap on me.

Oh, and I suppose you’re wondering what UWP stands for. That would be Useless Wh*re Points. So I’m awarding one UWP to Poor Pitiful Polly.

Her and the broad at Subway that talked nonstop on her cell phone while ordering her sandwich and instead of getting off the freaking phone, she merely pointed at the bloody condiments to tell the poor worker what she wanted on it. If that were me behind the counter, I would have just wrapped up the bread and stuck it in the wrapper. Have a nice day!

Can you tell I have rage? Mayhap it’s time for therapy. Or a lot of Cosmopolitans.

Why is it certain people keep you at arms length ‘til you get that publication cred and only then do they deign to speak with you? I know several authors who have had this done to them as well as several other authors that do it. 

Let’s take for example … You have those that once you sell a book or two, love you to death and you are now their new best friend. They will talk to you, ask your opinion for which they would never have seeked out before. They will even ask about you in your absence, “So how is so-and-so doing?” And “When is her new book coming out?” They now have a vested interest in your career not that they were willing to nurture it when you needed help and guidance.

And on the flip side of why-do-I-care-who-you-are, I have met one particular author no less than twelve times – no joke twelve – we live in the same metroplex. Aside from local events that we’ve both attended (One of which I was in charge of – you’d think she’d get a damn clue) I have seen her at nationals many times, yet I have to re-introduce myself to her every… single … time. (and it’s not like I look different from one time to the next – sure my hair may be a different shade of red but for those who know me, I LOOK THE SAME ALWAYS! If you have seen pics of me from about age 11 and up you’d say – yep that’s our Dennie…)

Started to give me a complex until someone pointed out (this was last year) that I was not published and past that I was not rich and thin so she had no place to remember me. Now before you get all uppity about the friend that pointed out my chubby-comings – she is uber-sweet and was trying to point out that it was said other author with the short-comings and not loveable sweet Dennie McD!

Y’know – I thought I graduated from high school years ago – but I have learned it was a training ground for life, just the beginning…..   

Estella, Cathy and Mahaira, please send me your snail mail addresses. Mahaira I might have yours but color me dorky :( spamless at celiastuart.com

For you readers out there, stay tuned for Paperback Writer’s Ebook Challenge for….FREE READS! I’m participating and I know Raine is too.

So what does any of that have to do with spanking and finger licking? You see, I had until this week to get cover quotes for HANDS ON if I wanted them on the cover–never mind that it’s 9 months away I have a cover coming soon. *happy butt wiggle*

Why so soon you ask? For the catalog. This also means I could have cover flats to give away by say, Christmas? WOHOOO

I thought mastering the art of query letters was hard–but it’s nothing compared to asking someone to read and blurb your work. Please, might I have some more, sir. And not just because it’s tough to ask, and throw your work out there, I HATE asking people for anything resembling help (and I’m a horrible networker).

Lucky for me, some really awesome poeple came through though so here we go!

“From sweet to spanky, Stuart’s gritty heroines sizzle across the page.” ~ Lucinda Betts

“Sexy, scrumptious, finger-lickin’ good!” ~ Monica Jackson

HANDS ON is Finger Lickin Good!!!!! He he I’m so warped I LOVE IT!!!!!

So readers, how much sway do you give cover quotes?

They have changed the wording in recent years…but remember wayyy back in the day when the little white tags on pillows used to read, “DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAG UNDER PENALTY OF LAW!” ?

Well, when I was a wee, angelic little thing, I mistakenly did something truly awful one day.

I accidentally ripped one of those tags off an old red throw pillow. 

One of my older relatives picked the tag up off the floor and sternly waved it at me.  “Do you know what this tag says?!”

Mouth and eyes wide open, I silently nodded,

Raising her voice, she wiggled it under my nose.  “Do you have any idea what you’ve DONE here?!”

Yeah, I could read a bit–but I had no idea of the cosmic significance of what I’d done.  Left alone at the scene of the crime, I waited apprehensively for the Pillow Police to come and drag me away from my family.

From that day, until the day that pillow literally fell apart, I was on my guard.  A strange knock at the door late at night?  Visit from our imposing landlord?  Guy in business suit, pretending he’d come to sell life iinsurance?  Ha!!  I grabbed the pillow and was off running, stashing it in my most secret places.  It wouldn’t see the light of day again until my mom (obviously not in on the conspiracy) would walk around the house muttering, “where the devil is that pillow??”—and I’d have to discreetly put it back.  Until the next time…

I always think of that incident when I hear people talk about the importance of authors being ‘branded’ and/or ‘tagged’.  I understand it all as far as marketing, promotion, reader expectation.

But as an author, I’ve always wanted to write in different genres, different styles.  It seemed to me that, if a reader loves your writing in one genre, why wouldn’t they be willing to at least give the author a shot in another, as long as it’s well-written?

Are we so worried about losing our ‘audience’ that we feel we must restrict ourselves and our creativity, not venture into other arenas?  And how much credit are we giving our readers when we do this?

If you love certain authors, and you saw, for example, Nora Roberts’ name in the Mystery section, or an Emma Holly title with the Inspirationals, or Stephen King under Romance—wouldn’t you go out on a limb, take a chance to see what they were like? 

Of course, under such circumstances, I suppose I could always use the tried-and-true refuge of “The Pseudonym(s).”

But I think I might just feel like I was still hiding that poor old red pillow…

When I start writing something new, I usually focus on the hero first. For some reason, that just seems to be the easiest place to start.

I’m one of those writers that prefer Alpha males. At least on paper. He has to be strong and capable, willing to go to the ends of the earth for the woman he loves, yet he also has to be quick-witted, sarcastic, and just downright a pain in the ass to the woman in his life (aka the heroine).

Now, it doesn’t always work out that way with my heroes. Once I start writing the story, the character dictates to me who he really is. And then I know exactly who is he and what his goals and motivation are. I never do character sketches before starting to write because I’ve discovered they just waste my time. However, there is a little something I do that makes it easier to keep track of my characters when I start writing a new story, especially if there’s a large cast.

I have this little form I call “Cast of Characters”:

Name of Character

Age:
Hair:
Height:
Eyes:
Build:
Occupation:
Demeanor:
Habits:

So, for instance, here is what I filled out for my heroine in my WIP, Nice Girls Do:

Cara Davis

Age: 29
Hair: short / red
Height: 5’6
Eyes: blue
Build: slender with curves
Occupation: barista
Demeanor: Sweet, Nice, Girl Next Door
Habits:

I also included a picture of an actress that resembles my character. Once I start rolling on a story, this is the only way I can keep track of all my folks. It helps and I can refer back to it when I need to. Another thing I do is include actual description I’ve written into the story of the character. This is from my historical, One Knight Only:

Grace de Mauly of Hawthorne

Age: 20
Hair: golden blonde
Height: 5’4
Eyes: Green
Build: Petite and graceful; elegant
Occupation: Lady
Demeanor:  Calm and cool to strangers; feisty and adventurous on the inside; loves her home (Hawthorne) and will do anything to save it from confiscation from the king
Habits: bites thumbnail
Grace seemed so petite and frail. Yet at the same time, Drake sensed a strong fiery soul beneath her cool exterior. She was quite possibly the loveliest creature he had ever set eyes on. She had golden wisps of hair framing her heart-shaped face, high cheekbones whisking up to her cool green eyes, an adorable pert nose, luscious kissable lips, and a pointy chin. Her skin was like porcelain, soft and smooth and milky white. He could only imagine what was below that elegant throat he dreamed of planting his kisses on.

This is a sure-fire to keep me from messing up the color of their eyes or changing their height halfway through the story.

January 2006 I sold my first book (two actually). Let me go back a little further, I have been writing since I was eight, I wrote sequels to all my favorite books and movies (as I always hated to see them end). A friend and I put out a newspaper for our block when I was ten and at seventeen and up, I dabbled in poetry. I wrote my first novel-length book at twenty, but didn’t start seriously putting pen to paper, so to speak, until I was pregnant with my fourth son. (The first book I ever wrote while preggers was Deadly Mistakes.)

Fast-forward to January 2006 - I was with a group of writers where I exclaimed to one friend, “I am a published author now,” to which another woman overhearing (or shall I say shamelessly listening in) said, “No. You’re not an author. Not until the book comes out.”

Well, to say I was bent out of shape…. I smiled, bid adieu to my friend and cussed the woman’s name the entire way home.

Once I used every foul name I could think of and a few I made up just for her, I started to wonder about the merits of writer vs. author. I had always called myself a writer. I write, that’s what I do. I aspired to be an author. But according to The New Merriam-Webster Dictionary (fourth edition pb 1989) the definitions are as follows:

author n 1: one that writes or composes a literary work 2: one that originates or creates

writer n one that writes esp. as a business or occupation : AUTHOR

Hmm…. Well, there you have it. Does it change that burning need to create, the overwhelming desire to tell your story? No? Does it lessen or strengthen the voices in your head? No still? I guess I was already an author. But as I always said and will continue to say: I AM A WRITER. I own it!

Of course tomato \tə-`māt- ō \ tomato \tə-`mät- ō \ because if I don’t keep doing it, I am a neither, just a couch-laying, bon-bon eating, Oprah-watching, lazy butt! (okay, so that was just yesterday and they weren’t bon-bons but trail mix – but it’s Oprah – what was I to do?)

I mean really, who else will my mother have to brag about despite the gratuitous sex to pander to the public…..

And don’t forget - the winners of the socks are RobynL & Meg Allison e-mail me your snail mail addys I will get those out to you.

Or why voice matters.

A lot has been said on writer’s voice, but it’s one of those things that, well, bears repeating. Again and again and again and again. There is nothing and I mean NOTHING worse than a writer with no voice. There’s no snap, crackle or POP in their writing, and even if they’re the best writer in the world that doesn’t t mean they’re entertaining you. Entertainment isn’t words on a page it’s story. And a story has a voice.

And now I’m curious…what kind of voice grabs you and keeps you reading? Is it the entertaining voice that makes you laugh, and chuckle and grin to yourself while you read, or that warm, comfortable voice? The one like a bubble bath after a long day that soothes you and makes you smile and turn the page, the one that’s like buttered popcorn, your favorite robe and UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN (which I must confess is one of my guilty pleasures–I love that movie and I’m SO not a chick movie person).

I tend to gravitate toward strong voices, with a touch of humor–ie Stephanie Rowe, Sarah Strohmeyer, SEP even I think falls here. But I also like the comforting, slide into the action voices like Raines :) like Lolly Winston’s, and even Kay Hooper, one of my last few auto-buys. Kay is a good writer, but she’s a GREAT storyteller. So maybe storytelling skills and voice go together?

Anyway weigh in and don’t forget about the free books in my last post!

Ok here’s six free books.  I’m going to be out all morning so when I get back I’ll blog for real (Eve email me for your socks!)

HEAVEN TO TOUCH by Virginia Satler (Don’t think I ever read it–looks like regency/amnesia)

MILLIONAIRE HUSBAND by Leanne Banks (Sil Desire Million Dollar Men series)

LOOKING FOR TROUBLE by Julie Elizabeth Leto (Harl Blaze Invitation to Seduction)

WHAT TO KEEP by Mary Schramski (Harlequin NEXT)

SOUTHERN COMFORT by Karen Kelly

BETWEEN DUTY AND DESIRE by Leanne Banks (SIl Desire Man Talk )

Here’s the rules: Only one book at a time.  That means you can get one book every time I post a list.  And it’s first come first serve so just post here with which one you want!