You’ve heard the legends.  Wondered about it.  Read about it, and maybe, MAYBE, if you’re one of The Chosen Ones, you’ve even experienced it.  It goes by many names, is rarely discussed in polite society (even by us Southern gals), but you know all about it.  It is…

THE MAGIC DICK.

You probably first heard about it as an adolescent.  Your classmates whispered and giggled to each other, all members of some secret society.  And then you began to hear the stories.  Apparently, this Dick guy, whoever he was, could do incredible things for a girl!  :grin:

If you’ve read any number of Romances, you know what I’m talking about.  It’s the dick that can seduce the most virtuous virgin, or the most experienced whore.  The dick so gooood it can make you lose all common sense.  The dick that can drive a woman to drink, drugs–even murder.  The dick that can dictate a man’s worth–even make him a leader of his people (unless he uses cigars instead, but we won’t go there…)  :shock:

Forget about spells, makeovers, plastic surgery or “finding yourself”.  The sweet spot is really what it’s all about.

Are you a plain, ordinary Jane?  With THE MAGIC DICK, you too can become beautiful instantly!

Frigid?  You need THE MAGIC DICK!  Within two pages, you’re as hot and horny as they come, baby!  :razz:

Got an invalid husband, secret baby, lesbian lover?  Ditch ‘em!  THE MAGIC DICK will set you free.

Scared, uncertain, on the run, being haunted by ghosts/ghoulies/vamps/IRS auditors?  Not to worry!  Get a taste of THE MAGIC DICK, girlfriend, and you’ll know EXACTLY which way to go–follow that manroot!  :cool:

THE MAGIC DICK will resolve all your problems.  No more worries about the bills, blood-sucking families, the future.  Your life will magically become a Disney movie.  Okay, maybe an X-rated Disney film in which Mickey shows ya what he’s got to match those big hands, but hey–it works!  And the bestest part about THE MAGIC DICK is that even if you ARE still trapped in the second circle of Hell–you won’t care!  As long as THE MAGIC DICK is there with you.

Sometimes THE MAGIC DICK is actually attached to something.  Something pretty unimportant in the grand scheme of things.  At best, that something may be heroic, loving, and have an I.Q. above that of a kumquat.  At worst, it may even wash occasionally.  Doesn’t matter, don’t tax your pretty little brain cells about it.  Just give it a lick of the stick, baby, and you’ll live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, I have never personally encountered THE MAGIC DICK.  But I haven’t given up.

After all–I KNOW it’s out there.

All the books say so.  :wink: