September 20, 2006
It’s all Bitch-a-Liscious!
(or why certain things make me bitchy).
I have to ask. Why the hell is cereal 4.00 a box? What is that? I mean, it’s cereal! And yes, I eat cereal. I love cereal. But I will not pay 4.00 a box for fucking cereal. I have, in my quest for cereal, turned to store and off brands. I mean Cheerios are Cheerios no matter how much you wrap them up!
I have no problem with either except for two things. And that brings me to today’s blog topic…Pet Peeves, Toilet Paper and POP-Tarts.
Because you see my lovies, there is no substitute for Kelloggs POP-tarts. None. Not store brand. Not off brand. And no matter what my mother said, as a child, I wouldn’t eat the off brand POP-tarts–I gave them all to my brother.
Oh, and TP? Back when I was about 15 kazillion months pregnant with #1 son I remember shopping with a friend. I needed toilet paper. She handed me a package and I promptly handed it back to her and said, “If I wanted to wipe my ass with tree bark, I’d live in the woods.”
I have lived by that rule and it has stood me in good stead until recently
Recently I had a bad TP experience. I strayed. Money was a bit tight, and well, I had a coupon for Scott–which is neither store nor off brand–and it’s one of the last few brands you can get FOUR rolls of (yes something else to bitch about. What happened to just buying 4 rolls of TP?). Anyway, I get home and discover *sob* I’ve bought Tree Bark. Even the kids noticed.
I. Am. Totally. Appalled. I don’t even buy my cats off-brand food (cuz I don’t want to clean up their barf but anyway….)
A few other random peevy things that light my ass up: People who talk for no other reason than to make noise, people who forward emails and don’t know how to BCC (this will get you yelled at), random gross stupidity (you know who you are even if you don’t read this blog), and people who bitch and piss and moan about the same sh8t over and over and over again just make me wish I had a permit to carry a concealed handgun.
And I KNOW I’m not alone. So fess up, what lights your ass up?
My, my…we DID have a bowlful today, didn’t we? LMAO!!
I’m with you on the TP issue. I’ve got a small place with storage issues. Why oh why would I want to buy 8-12 rolls of TP at a time?! Everyone does NOT have a family of 12 with irritable bowel syndrome!
One of my pet peeves? (notice I specified “ONE”??)…
People who do 80 mph from a side street to jump in front of you in traffic–then immediately slow to 15 mph.
WHAT IS THAT? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT??!!
Did that make your day? Did you come in your panties? Was it your life’s ambition? “Ah-ha!! I jumped in front of that blue car! I can die easy now!” WTF????
I swear–one day I’m gonna rent a steamroller, and drive the streets of this city looking for them…
Oh. My. Gawd! You made me laugh so hard!
Example of gross stupidity…I was driving to work one day and this bitch in a convertible (on a cloudy overcast morning with her kid in the back seat and the top down) was in the left lane going approximately 40MPH and CURLING HER EYELASHES! I fucking did a double-take.
I wanted to ask her if she’d had her crack for breakfast.
ROF! Hilarious! =)
I’m with ya’ll on the TP one—especially now that I live alone, there is no way in hell that I’m gonna go through 12-24 rolls of TP anytime soon! Well, unless I have the misfortune to imbibe in Schmidt beer (*I know know why everyone refers to it as *sh8t beer*)~ don’t ask…
I am a name-brand whore…I don’t buy off brands, especially on stuff I eat. Cocoa Krunchies are JUST NOT THE SAME as Cocoa Krispies, ya know?! I won’t drink coffee if it’s not Starbucks…just won’t. I refuse. Cheap makeup, doesn’t work for me, as don’t non-designer jeans….I will skip buying groceries for a week if I need me another pair of Silver jeans…(which I don’t, for the record!).
I hate getting behind stinky cars–you know the ones that just f’ing REEK, and fill YOUR rig with nasty, old smelling exhaust. Get of the F’ing road already and get somethin’ newer! One word. Emissions!
But my #1 pet peeve is FAKE people, or copiers; people who are in constant competition with their own damn friends. Thanks but no thanks…I don’t need friends like that. For example: boob jobs. In a group of girls, one gets it done, then 3 or 4 others immediately follow—WTF?! BE YOURSELF!!
What about people who drive to Oklahoma by mistake????
and People who talk for no other reason than to make noise well, damn - that leaves me out - LOL
there is no substitute for Kelloggs POP-tarts. None.
I am SO with you on this one!!!
And also those people who rush rush RUSH to get in front of you so they can then turn into turtles. What is UP with that???
Tori you know what really cracks me up? People who zoom past me and get caught at a red light
Why do I feel like y’all are talking about me…..
Dennie no way! You should hear the guy–yes there’s this guy whose been doing work on our office and EVERY FUCKING TIME he walks by my desk he tells me what a splendid job I’m doing and how much he appreciates my hard work. I’m totally WTF’ing out. I told my coworker if he said it one more time I was going to set him on fire.
haha this made me laugh. words to live by! great new blog. :)
Thanks Melissa!!!1
Kel I’m not so picky about jeans but then I have two kids to clothe, and feed, and things like that tend to make you not so picky about things like stuff for yourself. Starbucks is a must but it just tastes the best. Cheap makeup–I don’t care as long as it works. OTOH I”m not adverse to spending money on my face. Much as I spend on the kids, I figure I’m worth it (but there’s no way in hell I’d pay 100.00 for jeans–sorry).
And, Kel, you’re right about the fake friends. Or the friends who mimic you because they flat out don’t know how to be original. No, I know what it is, they’re too scared to be original.
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